The confessional

yea im sure there is girls that's like that as well, its just that i dont have contact with them on that level hehe. i've only met guys that are like that. and maybe some.. hrm.. beetches. in school and stuff. thanks for ur support mark, i really need it. DAMN i hate him!! and hate is not too strong here i really do hate him and i never want to see him ever again! *hyperventilating*
omg.. why do i get this upset over this guy? he means nothing to me! at least not now... crap i dont know how i feel. this sux.

O.. well.. im single again i guess.. anyone wanna hook up? ^^ haha..

btw that picture i have as display is me and a friend.. its nothing sexual about it.
just so u know. oh and im on the right

Great pic:)

and on a serious note..try to remember this... If he was that type of person then in reality YOU lost nothing. It was HE who lost....

Thanks for the support hex i really appreciate it

Sorry to hear it all, Viki. It's really upsetting. *hugs* Mark is right, there are nice guys out there just like girls, they're just harder to find. I guess it takes us all to know what we truly want in order to find it. So make sure you're bargaining for the right guy =). If you need to talk, I'm here and so does everyone else from forums, I'm sure.

My brother is headed in a path in which I dread the outcome, He has way to many life lines and fear now he is just playing my mom, he punched a hole in the wall the other day and I just fear he may one day hit her/ I have seen his agression first hand and know he is capable of a great deal .. He has no consideration for anyone but himself at first I thought it was just a phase, like something teenage boys go through now Im not so sure, I'm stressed beyond my limits with his shit, and my mom then taking it out on me, It kinda just a shit rolls down hill thing.. My dad is coming out in a week or so and I would like to take the week off to get away from here and visit with him and my step mom and a few other family members but I'm not sure my mom will let me and it upsets me just as much as it angers me casue I can't trust my brother will help her if I did and I would worry about that the whole time anyways and if I don't I probably wont see for quite some time and it already has been 5 or 6 months now, I miss him soo much...

Lately just have been thinking bout the past latley and Ppl who had came into mylife and just as simple walked out as well at times.

In my life I have met so many people...at my different schools and at different jobs and such. Some of those people I never got to know at all. I lost contact with a lot of the nice people who I knew (I take a lot of the blame for that). As those who knew me will remember, I was thought of as a nerd or geek during elementary, junior, and senior highschool. Because of that, a lot of people were cruel jerks to me (and to those people...you suck and I still hate you bastards!). However, there were some nice people and possibly great people who I didn't get a chance to know at all. I was VERY self-conscious( Still am to some degree) and was mercilessly teased so you can understand why I would assume most people would not like me. This attitude kept me from talking to people I didn't know and from putting myself in the position to be rejected. ( You Live You Learn I Guess)

Now, I'm in another Town and I have no real history with anyone. I had to start off new. I keep thinking about the past and missed opportunities. Things don't have to continue the way they always have. Things can change. In many ways I am not the same person I was when you knew me (in other ways I am exactly the same). I know that I am more confident but of course, I have my (really) bad days. ( But we all get threw them sometimes I guess) ....

Crys, sry but I was reading your confession and decided to give my two cent. For what it's worth... we can't change who we were or what we did, we can't change our pasts, but we can change who we are now and our futures... So think positively, I know it's hard at times, but we all manage. LIfe can be as sweet as sour... take one day at a time and believe tomorrow will always be better than today. Melancoly is nice at times, but can't deter us from living. Follow your heart, always. =)

"in times of strife and sorrow..when lifes a total wreck.
I think of those worse off than me...then I REALLY feel like heck"

LOL..my way of saying things ALWAYS get better and while its perfectly normal to reflect..its always better to look forward:)

Nice philosophy to live by, the second one, I mean LOL =)

hm, i'd like to write here about stuff too but who would be interested in my problems?:p

We are all one big disfunctional family here Stina and are always glad to listen to and comment on problems...unless of course I AM the problem....in THAT case FORGET IT! lol

DAMN! ok, THEN i DON'T have any problems to tell about, lol :-) jokes aside, i know you are all sweet ppl :-D and maybe, one day i'll throw my problems over you

ok now ive got something to write about... just got to hear that my grandfather is dead, still in shock tho. my dad phoned me like 2 hours ago...now we will see how i should deal with it..

bah.. tried to write this in english but its too hard =/ sorry for the swedish

jag vet hur det känns =/ det bästa man kan göra är att minnas personen som den va när den levde.. och ta med sig det alltid =) min gammelmormor dog också för några veckor sedan och det var så jävla hemskt.. jag gick in i nån konstig depression för att hon försvann.. vi stod så jävla nära.. men sen tänkte jag på hur hon hade levt och hon hade levt ett bra liv och gjort många bra saker.. så blev det lite bättre.. blir helt tårögd nu.. hehe.. ja.. om det är nåt så bara säg till =) vi är som en stor familj här =)

hope it helped a little bit.. =)

SORRY GUYS FOR THE SWEDISH! wont happen again after this message!

tack viki, du e snäll du :-) jag måste säga att pappa kom med ett lite ledsamt välkommande efter semestern:-/ Känns mest konstigt än sålänge, kan liksom inte fatta det. har alltid varit den bland mina kompisar som haft alla mor och far föräldrar vid liv och relativt unga..:-) Men ja så kan det ju inte vara för evigt liksom. Det som känns mest konstigt är att det kom så plötsligt, han hade egentligen ingen anledning till att dö så ja, han ska obduceras så får vi se sedan vad de säger.

Isch, synd om min pappa, det var han som hittade honom död:/ Aja, kommer aldrig mer gå in i lägenheten som jag nu gjort i 18 år och ja..Du vet hela den biten!

sorry again, but i wanted to make it as easy as possible for me this time:-) if u want a translation...ask viki, lol

lol why me? so.. how are u holding up?

Vikki translation please . lol jkz

btw how do u get the crazzy things over letters an so on???????

karl we have those characters on our keyboards so its quite easy hehe

oo so how come they dont show wen u type in english?

cause we have o and ö and a and å ä on our keyboard

so u have like millions of buttons?

like set of english

then a set of sweedish

well the only swedish is åäö

Hmm..ok I guess its my turn to do a bit of soul bearing in here. I know Im usually pretty much a happy go lucky type guy so maybe this isnt much suited to my "style" but here goes anyway...

With the release of this new cd there has been so much pressure put on me that I cant honestly say I enjoyed its making as much as I should have. Unlike other projects, this one seemed to have 20 people telling me how to sound, how to sing, how to mix the songs ect..
Trouble is, no ones ideas really matched and CERTAINLY no ones gelled with mine. This CD certainly has to do well and by going out on my own and ignoring the " advice" I got from the powers that be..I've pretty much sealed my fate. If it does poorly I will get full blame for not being co operative..If it does well they will still take about 75% of the credit.
I fully understand they are in business to make money and thats fine but I also dont want to be told how to act, dress, write or play as if that becomes the case I'd certainly not feel much like an artist. Another Issue is gigging...on Sept 18th Im leaving for 4 days to "peddle" this project to various College and harder rock type radio stations. Most of these stations have never heard of my band and Im sure will be less than receptive to meeting me. I was told to be "friendly" yet maintain "image" ...gee thats not going to be very EASY now is it?
Four days somehow feels like a lifetime..
At the same time I can feel the tugging to " modify" the image somewhat tho I think its an important factor in our music and fan base. If I had the time to explain some of the CRAZY ideas I've been given on dress and "style" you'd not BELIEVE it. I tried to explain that this "Image" wasnt pro wrestling.. nor acting. its more of an extension of the music itself..but bah..who cares about THAT right?
Anyways, the CD wraps up soon and Im not even sure WHAT its going to bring but it IS important to me. I put my heart and soul into this more than ANY of the others..but maybe thats not a good thing. the others were fun to make and it showed in the songs..this was like the total opposite in some respects...fun but very pressure filled. I don't think it shows in the music..at least I hope not..but I guess we'll soon find out.
At the heart of the matter is that I feel this project is ME...and if its well received then IM well received..if not..well then I guess its best to stop working myself to death and settle for a cult fan base we already have developed and simply be happy.
anyway..thats my rant..now back to my normal fun loving..eccentric yet STRANGELY lovable ( and humble) self lMFAO

I'm sorry things are so frustrating right now. Actually, this reminds me of some things my uncle has told me. He's been a musician professionally for... Um maybe thirty years. And now he sells real estate and just plays music when, where and how he wants to. I was joking around with him a couple years back and I was telling him how he's a sellout and all of that, for getting his bread buttered, so to speak, by doing real esate. And he got really serious and he told me that after years of having to do what other people told him to do, musicially, which he said became frustrating and demeaning sometimes, he feels so much better now, being able to play music for the love of it, and not because he needed to do some crappy gig to pay the rent. He was saying how, years ago, people were telling him how to play, how to dress, etc. Now if he doesn't want to do something, he doesn't have to. And he can just make music that he loves. So he was saying, even though he never really "made it", at least he has music he can be proud of.

I know it's not totally relevant to what you're saying, but it just reminded me of what he told me. And it's really too bad that we've gotten to a place where music is a business and no longer as much of an artform. Blame that on MTV. Where record exes are people who went to school and studied business or whatever, and not people who just got into it because they loved music, like how it was years and years ago.

But I really hope things work out for you and that you're able to acheive all the things you want to. Just try to stick things out for now... When you're a famous and super successful rock star, then you can start doing whatever you want. And maybe you can have an impact on the industry, who knows? Or else just do whatever you want! =P

By the way, I'd like to hear some of your music, is there any place I can hear it?

P.S.: I think when they said to be friendly but maintain image, they might have meant like, how the rockstars on that show with Dave Navarro act. Like, how they say "Bro" but pose around like they're badass? Because leather pants and boas are totally badass...