Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Time for an excursion! Remember to pack some sandwiches, and carry a large ball of twine (it's easy to get lost in the city -- the twine should help).
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Good time to start on your trophy collection! (You can have them made for yourself, you know.) Personally, I've won the "International Tiddly Wink Open" three years running.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Beware the toilet plunger of Doom.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will be struck by an odd thought, today. Fortunately it will be only a glancing blow, and will do little actual damage.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Excellent day to do something new with bean curd.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
During a walk in the woods, you will spot Mick Jagger. He will be gathering moss. You will find that strangely disturbing.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Good day to use the expression "just dandy" as much as possible. Tomorrow: "okey dokey" day.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Good day to bring home a bag or two of live bugs.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Thirteen short bearded men will invade your living quarters soon, eat all your food, and drag you off on an ill-advised adventure, much to the amusement of an elderly gentleman of your acquaintance.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Time to commit some random acts of kindness. I have developed an algorithm for this. The next time someone asks you for a quarter (or any small coin), take one out of your pocket, and toss it in the air. Heads, give it to them. Tails, put it back in your pocket, and tell them you haven't got any. Or whatever - remember, the important thing is to be RANDOM.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will have a nightmare tonight, in which you find yourself dangling from the ceiling, while brightly colored paper maché animals with glowing eyes file into the room. One of them will be carrying a stick. Perhaps you shouldn't eat so much candy before going to bed?
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
A romantic episode will take you by surprise. Tip: the important thing to remember when dealing with circus performers, is not to suggest having a "fling."
Subject: june 17th 
I'm going away soon again... but i'll have access to internet over there ;P
